Idealism

"It's hard to keep idealism when you've already lost your innocence."

-some movie I've seen

I am getting old.

Nearly five days to go before Christmas. I can't believe a year had already gone past just like that. Time flies really quickly sometimes I think I have to run to keep up with it. This is why I want to involve myself in something to feel preoccupied. But since I have only the science of bumming as a choice, I bum.

In the rare occasions that I try to pause, thoughts come flocking in my mind. I think about what's gonna happen in my future given the path that I took. I can't help but think and ask myself what's gonna happen to me. Am I going to be successful? And happy? It's scary but I'm looking forward to it. I look back and remember that this wasn't the choice I made before and see myself now and laugh at how indecisive I seem.

But at the end of the day it all boils down to one thing: I am not getting any younger and soon enough, I have to deal with my life more and expose myself to reality. Life is getting hard, sometimes harder. And no matter who am I or what could have become of me, I feel I can overcome the highest highs and the lowest lows without that heavy feeling of sorts.