Am I proud to be a Filipino?

I got this question from my formspring account and it just made me want to say a lot.

I can just easily say that yes I am without explaining anything. Like how most Filipinos would boast about saying, "I'm proud to be a Filipino". But there's actually more to it than just saying those words. I think me saying, "I am just happy that I am a Filipino" would be more fitting.

Last Thursday, there was an Honors Convocation held in school and I was one of the students given recognition in front of most of the school's faculty, equally talented students and their supportive families and friends. The professor who awarded me told everyone in that hall that I came from the Philippines. And for a second, I heard some "ooohs" and I just showed them the brightest of smiles.

I'm happy I've given the country a heads up but honestly, I am frustrated with the Philippines. I believe the country can really do more if more love is given to it. People just utter the words "I'm proud to be a Filipino" like candies without meaning a thing. The political leaders' motives are always questionable which makes me sad because corruption always pops into the picture. If only these leaders really do something and help most, if not all, citizens cope up with everyday life then at least life would be a little better. If they can just love the country and give it some improvements it deserves. If only they give back to the people who trusted them with their votes. I know it's easy to say but hard to do but this is not just for the executive leaders because the local mayors and governors could really really be useful. I'm just wishing for a true leader who could bring the Philippines back into the global map again. The country would have been so great if it weren't for its mismanagement.

I feel also sad that most rich Filipino kids love Western things so much that any local form of entertainment is seen as bad taste. They watch American TV, all of them, because local TV is too jologs. Mainstream music is too masa, and any minute English grammatical error causes the wildest of reactions. Sometimes I feel bad that people would actually want English to be the main language in the Philippines. The textbooks are in English, the broadsheets are in English while the tabloids are in Tagalog. Whatever happened to Tagalog? Is it too baduy now too? The Filipino culture really suffers and loses its identity as the Philippines become more and more Westernized. My boyfriend always tells me this, that I'm too American and I feel embarrassed.

Filipinos are also all over the world. I know I am guilty of this, leaving the country to pursue personal goals but this is also why I feel so guilty. People are leaving because they're losing hope for the country. It has become too bad that people have to flee for things to get better. This is why I don't want to be an American citizen for now since I feel like I would betray my country even more by doing so. It's too selfish. It's like "kthanksbye Philippines". And how can Chinese American families manage to teach their kids Chinese and English at the same time and Filipino families not so much? Filipinos who grew up abroad don't have a clue what their parents are talking about when speaking in Tagalog.

I'm such a hypocrite I know but this is why I feel so frustrated. Why does it have to be like this? Why can't we just love everything about it and feel proud. I can't just be proud of the Philippines because Manny Pacquiao, Charice Pempengco and the dancing prisoners are from there. I can't just feel proud because I'm from that English speaking Asian country. There's more greatness about the Philippines that I want to tell the world about. The world should hear about the intelligent, creative, hardworking Filipino people. But I only have little proof and support for now. All I hear are corruption, massacres, cheating, poverty and too many negative stuff. But I'm still hoping that one day, I could really be fully and wholeheartedly proud that I am Filipino cause right now I am only happy I'm from there and nothing else.